Posted on 6th September 2011 at 13:07
One of the first things I heard said to me after my husband died was “time is a great healer”. I was always struck dumb by this comment – I found the idea that I had to wait for time to come and fix me odd even though I’ve been hearing that assertion for years.
Then by chance I came across the Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman and suddenly here was someone talking sense!
John and Russell have been helping grieving people for the past 33 years. They describe 6 myths that surround grief and shroud the possibility of recovery from loss:
“The myth that time can heal an emotional wound is possibly the most persistent and dangerous of the incorrect ideas that keep grievers stuck in pain.
Our favourite image to demonstrate the foolhardiness of time healing an emotional wound is to ask people to imagine that they arrive in the car park to discover their car has a flat tyre. We then ask, “Would you pull up a chair, sit down, and wait for time to fix the flat tyre?”
The fact is that if we came back 100 years later, there your skeleton would be with whatever clothes you’d been wearing, and that tyre would STILL be flat.
Time cannot and will not fix the flat tyre. It takes actions to fix the flat. For most of us that action is to call the AA and ask them to send someone over to fix it. The hardier souls amongst us might root around in the boot, find the little doughnut-sized spare, locate the jack and other tools, and hoist the car off the ground and change it themselves.
Either way, an action will have to be taken to get the car back on the road.
The parallel is this: An emotionally broken heart is amazingly like a flat tyre. The get-up and go has got-up and gone. Energy is drained, exhausting the griever. The ability to participate fully in life is limited. And time can’t and won’t fix that broken heart any more than time can fix a flat tyre.
It takes actions to discover and complete what is left emotionally incomplete as the result of the death of someone important to you or any other loss event that produces feelings of grief.”
To discover the other 5 myths and the actions you need to take to recover then get yourself a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook –I did and it changed my life!
Carole can be contacted by email email@example.com or on 01234 862217
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